This morning I woke up
I don’t remember how
but I was awake
and wondering how long it had been since I was asleep.
I rolled back over
but not to go to sleep
but also not to not to
I rolled back over to still be there asleep and awake.
In that state
you think about things more quickly
and it's all connected
and at the end you can't remember where you began.
This time though
I ended thinking of you
and began that way
and it was the middle I can't recall.
I was wishing you
were there with me
lying in between
and holding me, thinking quickly.
My blankets weren’t
keeping me warm
but the cold was
too threatening for me to change things.
Eventually my body
forced me to wake up
and forget about what I thought
leave your picture somewhere between night and day.
So now with eyes open
my mind moves more slowly
and only flashes
and pictures and cold and you not there
helping me sleep and helping me not to.