My Paper

So, as one thing closed you called.
And we talked, in short sentences, each interrupting the other.
You reminded me of how things used to be
Between you two, and then you spoke of now.
You told me about this exact second,
About everything that was going on.
You said it all so quickly, I stopped.
It was two people I knew well in a situation removed.
You were two hung out, separated,
Frozen from my time, from that of the world.

And now I spoke, but it was from here
It was subject to the brevity of the moment.
My words didn’t really apply,
I was an echo of things you knew,
Things you found in that moment from which I was apart.
I wanted to send you the image I had
Me, Steven’s river, flowing like time.
You walking beside knowing everything I knew
And everything of the moment.
You said all right, so I knew you meant good-bye.

We hung up, departed, and you left me frozen.
There was a moment, there, the phone down,
My mind empty, it lasted long, but faded.
And I wanted to pick up the phone to call him,
Tell him he fucked up, tell him to hurry.
I wasn’t in his moment anymore.
And then time passed quickly for a while.
Rapid-fire, thoughts flowing like that river,
Me, here, all the time seeing how long things lasted,
Didn’t last, how things faded, and things were wanted back.

I needed then to write this poem but I needed
This poem to be finished. I quickly wanted
To recall the moments, but still to go on
Living, cognizant of how time was passing.
It’s not in here, I know, you can’t capture moments,
Capture time. Just the longing to, and the ideas
Of what it would offer. You can’t quicken it either,
Just say what would be there if you could.
So frustration, knowing, not really knowing,
He said, “Mountains that were not mountains.”

You told me that, that you couldn’t live that way,
That you couldn’t go on remembering and waiting,
That it was too sad to want and recall,
Too sad to not be here, living,-- time passing.
I told you how that wasn’t right, because I didn’t remember
What I just learned, had just written, what’s above.
I didn’t remember, I didn’t want to, I didn’t really like
The flowing river, it seemed alone, I don’t like the thought
That that is me, within time. It's nice for them but
I like the moment, short and long, I like to live without in-between.

And I asked you to see how beautiful that was,
Reminded you of who you are, what sadness gives,--
Why discontent breeds longing and remembrance.
I said one good thing, it combined it all, I see that now.
“You can’t do anything you can’t take back.”
Because time keeps passing, but not for you,
Your moment can be recalled, played over, played again.
I told you you’d have time to fix things, he’d feel that—
Go back with you to here, that moment you were in, the one above
The one with me removed, still flowing, “to walk beside.”